The lady who ran my business in England worked very hard. She ‘opened’ that country and, within a couple of years, did literally millions in sales. At one point I asked her when was her last vacation. She said, “Oh, there’ll be plenty of time for that later.” So it’s been a couple of years. “Yes.” OK, here’s a direct order. Take a vacation. “Don’t be silly” she said, “I have far too much to do.” I repeat. It’s an order. She took a couple of weeks off at Christmas and visited Disney in Florida. In January she said, “You were right. I am amazed how I was sliding without knowing it. It was happening so gradually I simply did not realize it. Now I’m rested, I make decisions better and much faster.” All my life I have been too busy to do the things I consider non-business. Yet if I’m at one meeting I certainly can not be at another one at the same time. And that does not ruin my business. So I ‘schedule’ my wife in, like an appointment. It’s worked for our 44 years of marriage. (And the business became a million a day sales!) If things are not going well for you, that’s when to schedule some time out. Not to work harder. But to take time out. So things will improve. ————————– To reinforce this read any two below: # 6 Feed Yourself – 9 Worry – 55 Oxygen – 73 Killing Frogs – 164 20%
Family
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169 Scaffold
Think of your role in everything you do, every interaction you have, every person you meet, with every family member, as being only one thing.
You are a scaffold to them.
Which, by the way, is how they – who have their own life to live, whether you like it or not – see you.
Ideally you exist beside them.
Neither helping nor hindering their activities.
You simply (!) are a framework, aside from where they are building, so they do all the work, build all the confidence and take all the credit. (If you do it right!)
You have a lot of work to do in doing this.
You have to be there but not there, if you see what I mean.
You have to support silently but definitely.
You have to be there always but always in a support capacity.
And this applies specially to family, friends and work mates.
That is when I have my best feelings. When I know I played ‘scaffold’ in someone’s life.
As a parent you are a scaffold and not the sole determiner of their future or their experiences.
When my parents were adamant about me not smoking I simply hid my cigarettes in the back yard. And smoked all I wished.
Whereas they were a scaffold regarding alcohol.
I even drank too much. Once.
They put me to bed. (Scaffold at work.)
And I never really drank too much again.
If things are not going well, just back off and become more of a scaffold, and things will improve dramatically.
People will think you are a great person. Which, as a scaffold, you are.
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These are related:
# 11 Feedback – 27 Responses – 63 Free Will – 98 Third Time – 99 Perfection! – 104 Power
113 Success – 121 Carrot & Stick – 145 NO Feedback
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162 Consider the Source
My best friend always gives me advice.
On almost everything.
But when I consider the source, I discount almost everything he says.
My father has an opinion on everything.
But when I consider the source, I basically ignore it.
My lawyer sagely talks about what’s wrong with the country.
But when I consider the source…
On the other hand,
My fitness expert says I exercise too much.
And when I consider the source, I immediately slow down.
Next time someone says anything to you …
Consider the source.
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These are related:
# 18 Being Triggered – 19 Expectations – 20 The “Gift” of Knowledge – 21 Interpretation
42 Leadership – 67 Personal Nag – 69 Labels – 75 Same – 81 Second Impressions
83 Being Wrong – 89 Initiating – 97 Variety – 124 One Person – 132 Taking it Personally
140 Making Progress – 147 Interpretation Part 2
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150 Rights
My wife called to ask when I was coming home because she had a particularly good meal planned and didn’t want to overcook it.
I promised to be there at a certain time.
I was 1 hour late.
The meal was ruined. (For both of us!)
She had every right to exercise her mad-ness at me.
I asked my son to tell me when a certain person called. It was important to me.
The person did call but my son did not let me know. I only found out when that person called again.
You have the right but you don’t have to exercise it.
Family and friends usually don’t exercise their rights.
Hmmm, maybe that’s why they’re Family and Friends.
I also built a fairly large company that practiced this.
When people think they get away with something at a company’s expense, they think they have a right to and the company does not.
Yet you fool no one but yourself.
How are you doing?
Dutifully exercise your rights do you?
Is it working?
Maybe you should try NOT exercising your rights and see what happens.
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These are related:
# 13 Changing Change – 27 Responses – 43 Desire
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148 A Wife is a…
A person has multi facets.
Think of a cog wheel.
All those cogs represent different subjects in that person’s life.
And when two people meet they interact /intermesh. Yet only some cogs fully intermesh. Some just touch. And some are on opposite sides.
My need for business fulfillment won’t happen from my interactions with my wife or children. My need for family is not fulfilled by my appreciation of sports. And so on.
My wife and I have decided to reinterpret our selves as Husband & Wife.
Now our definitions are:
A wife is a ‘Melanie’
And
A husband is a ‘George’.
And a George /Melanie is an ever-changing relationship.
We no longer expect everything must come from a single person /source.
(Annnd, we no longer ‘fight’ as much!)
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